We Run From Pain

“Something terrible happens, we blame ourselves, and we don’t want to feel it, so we run. We run from joy, too because we think we don’t deserve happiness. But it’s a package deal. There is no joy without pain.”

-Meredith Grey, Grey’s Anatomy

For some of you who are new my blog, one of my favourite shows is Grey’s Anatomy. I can binge watch that show for days on end. In fact, I have countless times.

As of lately I have been feeling sad, well I’ve been mostly sad these days. I’ve been trying my best to cheer myself up, some days can be a difficult task than other days.

This was a quote that Meredith says to Teddy about how Teddy is always running from her pain. And that when happy things happen to her, she feels like she doesn’t deserve it. Which I can 100% relate to. This year has been unbearable and challenging at times. I feel like I have been running away from my problems. But that is a never ending race. As much as we hate to admit this, we will never be able to run away from our problems. They will keep on reappearing in our lives until we learn we are needed to learn in the first place. The problem with feelings is they demand to be felt.

I keep on reminding myself that there will come a time that the pain I had to encounter is going to transfer into something so beautiful and joyous. We just have to keep on believing in ourselves, and we’ll see it for ourselves. Our battles and problems will turn us into warriors, we just can’t let them ruin us, or bring us down. If we let our situations belittle us, I hope that we continue to raise to the occasion. Like my Grandpa always said; “Time waits for no one.”.

We think we don’t deserve happiness or joy, but we actually do deserve it. We work so hard, and feel like there isn’t time to truly experience bliss. We are too busy to let these positive emotions in. But we really should be setting aside time for happiness.

When we feel pain, just know that joy is soon to follow. We just have to trust the universe, and ourselves.

Let Go With Grace

I attended a meditative writing workshop a few years ago, and this is what I wrote. It was a small gathering of people where we began to listen to a guided meditation and we would have ten minutes to transfer our thoughts onto our journals. This was actually from five years ago, but I just came across this piece paper the other day. Our starting line for that night was “As I stepped onto the path…” Although I have slightly revised it a bit.

As I stepped onto the path I take a look back and see how far I’ve come and everything that has happened to me, the good, the bad, and the “not so pretty” times, I realized that everything happened for a reason. I learn just how grateful I am for everything. I remember my challenges that gave me the strength to conquer all that I need to in my journey. I trust the universe.

As I stepped onto the path, I I let go of fear of would, or will happen to me. Overthinking at its finest. I let go of the past for it has shaped me into who I am and who I am meant to be. I let go of all that no longer serves me or sparks joy. I let it all go. I let go with grace.

As I stepped onto the path I am lighter. I am free. I release all judgement from others, but more importantly from myself. I welcome joy and allow myself to do things that adds happiness. I become mindful and don’t fret about the past or the future. I stay present.

I keep on moving and welcome great things. As I step onto the path, I can invite new opportunities to better myself.

I no longer let other people judge me or belittle me. I am only trying my best. As I step on the path I know I can do anything I set my mind to. If something goes wrong, or if I stumble, I make it part of my dance and keep on travelling. I let go of what no longer serves me. I listen to the music in my heart, and keep on striving for many adventures on the horizon. As I step on the path, I let go with grace.

A Year in My Life

I wish I could say that this past year has been easy, but truthfully it has been the most extricating, difficult year that I had went through in a very long time. I have experience the loss of many things and people. My world fell apart like a supernova. It all began when my Grandpa passed away last March. His passing broke me, I remember spending days curled up in my bed, crying, and being sad for days on end. I have been replaying a lot of our memories in my head. I have a lot of pictures that I look at when I miss him.

He truly was an amazing person. Everyone loved him and he was everyone’s best friend. He is so missed, but he is forever in my heart. I think about him all of the time.

I had tried taking on a retail job. I have normally just done jobs in the food industry, so it was difficult in the beginning. After months, I have been managing just fine. I have worked a few retail jobs before, so I have been using the skills to my new job. I have actually met some really nice people there. It was a hard adjustment, but now I feel like I can get in the swing of things.

And then unfortunately I experienced another loss when my aunt passed away a few months ago. I miss her so much. I feel bad because I haven’t had many chances to see her recently since the whole covid situation. She passed away so unexpectedly. I always wished I was able to spend more time with her before she passed away. But unfortunately that is life. We all have one last day with everyone, we just never know when that might happen. That is why it is important to stay in touch with the people that matter the most. It should also reinforce us to be kind to each other, since we don’t know what our last words may be to someone.

And another loss that I faced last year, was when my boyfriend and I broke up. We still talk from time to time, we don’t hate each other. We are able to be civil about it.

So this explains why I haven’t been that active in the blog universe.

Although the one good thing about last year is that I was able to reconnect with one of my friends from many years ago. I am happy that the universe decided to bring someone that can bring joy in my life despite taking away people. That is the universe’s way of taking the good with the bad.

After all of the losses I had suffered last year, I truly hope that 2022 is the year for me. Things aren’t exactly perfect right now. But I pray for guidance, and for the strength to not allow myself to stay broken. I will try to rebuild myself so I can come back stronger than ever. My life has been so messy and complicated right now, but what matters is how I rebuild myself after these losses. I have big goals for myself. I am excited for all of the things I have planned to do this year. Of course, I would be documenting my goals and dreams on my blog. I do wish to blog more again.

I truly miss all of you. I hope everyone has been doing well. I appreciate any words of feedback, love and prayers. I will try to get back to everyone who comments. Thank you again for understanding.