“Something terrible happens, we blame ourselves, and we don’t want to feel it, so we run. We run from joy, too because we think we don’t deserve happiness. But it’s a package deal. There is no joy without pain.”
-Meredith Grey, Grey’s Anatomy
For some of you who are new my blog, one of my favourite shows is Grey’s Anatomy. I can binge watch that show for days on end. In fact, I have countless times.
As of lately I have been feeling sad, well I’ve been mostly sad these days. I’ve been trying my best to cheer myself up, some days can be a difficult task than other days.
This was a quote that Meredith says to Teddy about how Teddy is always running from her pain. And that when happy things happen to her, she feels like she doesn’t deserve it. Which I can 100% relate to. This year has been unbearable and challenging at times. I feel like I have been running away from my problems. But that is a never ending race. As much as we hate to admit this, we will never be able to run away from our problems. They will keep on reappearing in our lives until we learn we are needed to learn in the first place. The problem with feelings is they demand to be felt.
I keep on reminding myself that there will come a time that the pain I had to encounter is going to transfer into something so beautiful and joyous. We just have to keep on believing in ourselves, and we’ll see it for ourselves. Our battles and problems will turn us into warriors, we just can’t let them ruin us, or bring us down. If we let our situations belittle us, I hope that we continue to raise to the occasion. Like my Grandpa always said; “Time waits for no one.”.
We think we don’t deserve happiness or joy, but we actually do deserve it. We work so hard, and feel like there isn’t time to truly experience bliss. We are too busy to let these positive emotions in. But we really should be setting aside time for happiness.
When we feel pain, just know that joy is soon to follow. We just have to trust the universe, and ourselves.
I wish I could say that this past year has been easy, but truthfully it has been the most extricating, difficult year that I had went through in a very long time. I have experience the loss of many things and people. My world fell apart like a supernova. It all began when my Grandpa passed away last March. His passing broke me, I remember spending days curled up in my bed, crying, and being sad for days on end. I have been replaying a lot of our memories in my head. I have a lot of pictures that I look at when I miss him.
He truly was an amazing person. Everyone loved him and he was everyone’s best friend. He is so missed, but he is forever in my heart. I think about him all of the time.
I had tried taking on a retail job. I have normally just done jobs in the food industry, so it was difficult in the beginning. After months, I have been managing just fine. I have worked a few retail jobs before, so I have been using the skills to my new job. I have actually met some really nice people there. It was a hard adjustment, but now I feel like I can get in the swing of things.
And then unfortunately I experienced another loss when my aunt passed away a few months ago. I miss her so much. I feel bad because I haven’t had many chances to see her recently since the whole covid situation. She passed away so unexpectedly. I always wished I was able to spend more time with her before she passed away. But unfortunately that is life. We all have one last day with everyone, we just never know when that might happen. That is why it is important to stay in touch with the people that matter the most. It should also reinforce us to be kind to each other, since we don’t know what our last words may be to someone.
And another loss that I faced last year, was when my boyfriend and I broke up. We still talk from time to time, we don’t hate each other. We are able to be civil about it.
So this explains why I haven’t been that active in the blog universe.
Although the one good thing about last year is that I was able to reconnect with one of my friends from many years ago. I am happy that the universe decided to bring someone that can bring joy in my life despite taking away people. That is the universe’s way of taking the good with the bad.
After all of the losses I had suffered last year, I truly hope that 2022 is the year for me. Things aren’t exactly perfect right now. But I pray for guidance, and for the strength to not allow myself to stay broken. I will try to rebuild myself so I can come back stronger than ever. My life has been so messy and complicated right now, but what matters is how I rebuild myself after these losses. I have big goals for myself. I am excited for all of the things I have planned to do this year. Of course, I would be documenting my goals and dreams on my blog. I do wish to blog more again.
I truly miss all of you. I hope everyone has been doing well. I appreciate any words of feedback, love and prayers. I will try to get back to everyone who comments. Thank you again for understanding.
For the sake of my Happiness Project, I ended up changing the date of my publication date on my previous blog posts. That way all of March Happiness Project’s resolutions and goals can be found in March, and not scattered through March, April and May. Thank you again for your patience and understanding.
I apologize for being so busy these past two months. I’m not sure if you have heard, but my Grandpa passed away two months ago. It has been the most challenging, and heartbreaking past few weeks. I feel like I’ve been going through a lot. He was the closest person I have ever lost. He was my best friend.
I have been trying to get all caught up with everything on here. But at the same time it feels like everyone wants my attention, and needs my help. I know I should put myself first, and my desires first. But at the same time, I always struggle to say no. But I do all of these things for my niece’s sake, and her benefit.
There are days where my sister and her boyfriend need me to watch my niece. And some days, I feel like drained by my other obligations, but I say yes, so I can see my niece, and spend time with her.
I am slowly starting to work towards things I want to do for myself, and things that would make me happy. I guess I just feel drained because there is so many things I want to do, and work towards, but I have falling a bit behind. I am now finding down time to get things done.
I made a list of some of the things that I need and want to get done. This has been so helpful, because I don’t have to get a mental note out of everything that I would like to get done. And now that I have a better visual of what needs to get done. I can see how to spend my time more wisely. This will help me stay motivated and on track of achieving everything I set out for myself.
I can’t wait to get all caught up again. I appreciate the love and support from everyone. Please continue to send me positive messages, and support. My goal is get caught up with things by June, if I can. I am determined to work through a lot on my To-Do List. I can’t wait to hear from all of you again. ❤
I feel bad, because I have been so busy with everything. Just over a month ago, my Grandpa passed away, and that was a lot to deal with. So I took a bit of time to myself, and to grieve over his loss. There isn’t a day that doesn’t go by, that I don’t think about him.
So I am slowly, but surely catching up with everything. I appreciate all of your love, and support during this time. Thank you so much!
I was at my sister’s house for the day, watching my niece. With so many people’s birthdays approaching, I thought it would be fun for my niece and myself to make some crafts for everyone! It was my niece’s Grandma’s birthday, then it was my sister’s birthday, and then a family friend’s birthday.
I traced my niece’s hands and made them into various things. For her Grandma, we made each of her hands into flowers. And then for my sister, we made them into elephants. And for our family friend we just traced her hands. And we added a cute quote. Everyone loved her work of art!
During that time my Grandpa was in the hospital, which made me feel really sad. But helping my niece with her presents to everyone, that cheered me up a bit. It was a nice distraction.
Today, I will try to do something that allows me to give back to others, whether it’s through crafts, or giving someone my time, it would help me distract myself from my own feelings of despair. Sometimes b giving something to others, we are able to forget our own feelings for a bit. Maybe by helping others, or just being there, we are able to cheer ourselves up, too.
I am so sorry for my absence on my blog. Last week, my Dad had sent me a message, telling me that my Grandpa (his Dad) has died. He has been in the hospital a few days before he had passed away. It was not Covid related.
He had a bad heart, but that never stopped him from loving everyone. Everyone was his best friend. He was my best friend my whole life. I feel really sad that he is no longer on earth with me. But I know that he will be looking down on me.
I have been trying to not let the sadness bring me down. But some days it is harder than others. My Papa has been having a hard year with his heart. And that he was sad that not too many people have been able to visit him. Where I live, in order to protect the elderly members a lot of the retirement homes can no longer have any visitors, and the residents that lived there, weren’t allowed to leave the retirement home. The Grandpa I knew was he was always moving and liked to keep myself busy. So for him not to be able to interact with everyone, was challenging on him.
My Dad had told me that it wasn’t looking too good for him. I was so sad, because I just kept on hoping that he would get better, so he could go back home. Because he was only allowed to be visited by his children, and grandchildren weren’t allowed to see him. We were still fortunate enough to have said our goodbyes via FaceTime with one of my uncles. I haven’t seen him in a year because of the Covid protocols. I was blessed to have visited my Grandparents the weekend before everything closed. During that visit I didn’t want to leave, because I had a feeling that it might have been the last time seeing him. I had a feeling because I knew it was only a matter of time before all of the retirement homes get placed under lockdown.
It’s been a difficult month, with trying to accept the loss of my Grandpa. It’s been challenging to accept that he is gone. The world feels so different without him here on Earth. He was a loving man. I just wished I got to make more memories with him. We missed out on a lot of memories during his final year, birthdays, BBQ’s, Christmas, and many visits. He lived a long, beautiful life. He got to be there for his family, and see his Grandchildren grow up. He even got to meet his Great Grandchildren. Not everyone gets that blessing. He was three months away for his 91st birthday.
Luckily we were able to have a funeral for him to honour the great man that he was. I feel so glad to have had you in my life for as long as I had. I’m almost 27, not too many of my friends have their Grandparents at that age, most of the people I knew from school had to deal with this during elementary days. I can’t even imagine to feel that burden.
Two weeks ago, my best friend, and one of my Gemini twins became my Guardian Angel.
“How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye to so hard?”-A.A. Minnie, Winnie the Pooh
I feel so fortunate that we were able to have so many years together, filled with so many wonderful memories. You were the best Grandpa anyone could have asked for.
I always get told that I look so much like you, and I love that I can see a resemblance of you in myself.
I thought that sitting on your lap was always the best seat in the house. It made me feel happy and safe being wrapped around your arms. We would tell each other stories, and we would make each other laugh all the time.
I remember that time you bought all of my back to school supplies, as well as my sister’s supplies, too. I was going to start grade one, and my sister was going to start the fourth grade. I wanted to have all of the fancy supplies that my sister was getting, like all of those cool binders, rulers, calculators, highlighters, pencil crayons, and so many other supplies that I did not need for the first grade. But I wanted to be just like my sister! But having all of these supplies made me want to do well in school. You inspired me to reach my goals. And I am still making sure that I reach my goals now.
I remember whenever I got sick, you would babysit me while my parents were at work. And other times, you would drive yourself and Grandma to our place, to drop off homemade soup. Grandma would make the best chicken noodle soup, and turkey soup. She would make us whatever she had on hand at the time. I always felt so blessed.
I remember the one time I was at your cottage, and I had lost my first tooth, since you told me that eating some celery would help it come out. Your idea totally worked! Although after I lost my tooth, I got all worried, because I didn’t think that the Tooth Fairy would be able to find me so far away from home. You had helped me calm down, when you explained that the Tooth Fairy will still be able to find me. She did indeed.
I remember when we were about to head out for the cottage, but Great Auntie (his sister-in-law) had called Grandma. Those two loved to talked to each other. While we waited for their conversation to end, you taught me how to tie my shoes. It made me so happy! I remember getting to tell Grandma all about it once she got off of the phone.
I always remember going to your house a lot of the time, because you and Grandma would have invited us over for roast beef, mashed potatoes (which are my favourite) carrots, and corn. And we would always end the night with us dancing together. You would place my feet on top of yours, and we would hold hands while we swayed across the floor in the foyer. We would always Dance it Out!
I was always at your house so much, it was basically a second home away from home. From the countless sleepovers, to our weekly dinners, I was always visiting you! We also watched Wheel of Fortune, Jeopardy! and whatever sport game was on afterwards, whether it was football, or your favourite the New York Rangers, we always had a fun time.
I remember that one sleepover at your house, during the Easter long weekend. We had our family dinner on the Saturday night, and then I spent the night with my auntie, my uncle, and my two cousins after everyone else had left. The three of us woke up to an Easter Scavenger Hunt for chocolate eggs the next morning. You were helping me the most try to find the eggs! And all of those other weekend sleepovers at my auntie and uncle’s house. Especially since they lived so far away from us, so the road trips were also fun, too! Those were the best.
We also had so many sleepovers with my sister, which were always so much fun. Especially when it was during the winter time, you would drive us around the neighbourhood and look at all of the Christmas lights.
I loved how I was fortunate enough to celebrate our birthdays together since our birthdays were ten days apart. It was always a wonderful celebration. Our names were both written on the cake for a lot of our birthdays. That always made me smile.
Another dear memory of mine that I have of you, is that when I was in the hospital in the fifth grade, you and Grandma came to the hospital and visited me every day! I am always thankful for your company. And most days you came over with presents, to help me feel more comfortable.
Because of all of the cups of tea we have shared together, I have become obsessed with tea. And now I will always think of you whenever I have a cup of tea. You always made the best cup of tea ever! You showed me a love for puzzles like Sudoku, and word searches, bowling, and dressing up.
I will always remember you by looking so dapper. You always had your hair combed really nicely. You even kept a comb in your back pocket. You would even wear a suit and a jacket, despite us just having brunch together at a restaurant. I remember all of my uncles telling you that you didn’t have to wear a suit for a brunch. You would reply with that you wanted to. The only time I really saw you dress casually was when I saw you on Fridays for our weekly dinners, and whenever we went to the beach
Of course, I can go on and on with even more of the memories we have shared together, because you truly have given me a lifetime of memories, that I will cherish forever.
You passed down so much of your wisdom, and compassion onto me. You have taught me valuable lessons throughout my life. You showed me the importance of helping out others, and being kind to others. You taught me what it means to truly love someone, and how to be family-oriented.
Thank you for telling me all of these stories about my great aunties, and uncles, and great grandparents, and the stories about you and Grandma, and how you two met. I have always admired your love story with Grandma, it’s like a fairy tale. They were married for 68 years, and have been together for almost 71 years. Growing up I had wished that I would have an amazing love story like you two. And lucky for me, I met my Prince Charming on the day of your wedding anniversary. I took that as a sign from the universe!
Growing up you were always the first person I told good news to. You always believed in me. You have helped shape me into who I am as a person. You have inspired me, and strengthened me over the years.
Thank you for all that you have done for me, and for our family. You taught me that it is important to make compromises for our family. I am grateful that you took us to see my Great Auntie. We always played cards, and other games with my Great Auntie. She always would make us her delicious fudge. We visited her a lot with my Grandparents because she was lonely since her husband passed away not too long ago. She was always such a nice lady. She’s another Gemini that I hold dear to my heart!
I am going to miss you so much. But I know that as long as I keep you in my heart, you are never really gone. You will forever be a part of us. I know that I can be sad all I want to be, but I can also be happy for you that you can see all of your siblings, and all of the other amazing people that have passed on before you. Please tell Great Auntie, that I say hello, and that I miss her, too. I hope you are enjoying her homemade fudge and Shortbread cookies. I also hope that you are playing Jeopardy! with Alex Trebek.
I had a 30 second dance party on the night you had passed because that is how we finish! I love you more than words would be able to explain my love for you. Please continue to send me your support, and your love for me. And be sure to send me any pieces of advice and guidance whenever you may think I need any. You will be missed dearly. I love you with all of my heart. Until we meet again… xoxo
Since you always inspired me to chase after my dreams, and I will be honouring you by writing a book about you, and all of the memories we have shared. I will keep everyone posted with the writing. I will love to start getting back into writing again. Writing has always made me so happy.
I feel like this is what you have been sending me, that you would want me to continue to live my life, and to reach my goals. You would want me to be happy, and to remember all of the times we have shared.
Thank you for everything that you have ever done for me. It means so much!
For my followers, thank you so much for your love and patience during this time. I appreciate all of the likes and support that you have been giving me. It truly means the world to me.
I feel bad, because I really tried to post this on Thursday…
But the message can still be useful. I loved this message. Whatever we may be going through in life, we have the strength to overcome any obstacle life throws at us. All we got to do is trust the universe’s plans for us. Whatever struggle we go, or have gone through, it is helping us shape us into the person we are destined to become. Even if whatever struggles we have gone through, it has helped shape us and helped us figure out what we want in life.
We must learn that in order to live our lives, the only we can is by moving forward. Life isn’t meant to be lived going backwards, but instead we must continue to march forth.
I got to watch my niece twice this week, which was really exciting! I like to follow the superstitions for the Lunar New Year, which is to not clean, especially not to sweep, as they believe you are “sweeping” away your luck. I knew that I was going to be watching her on the Thursday, and I knew I was going to stay at my sister’s late. So I made sure on the Wednesday that my house was relatively clean. I cleaned my bathroom, and kitchen, and then tidied my room. I was all ready for the Lunar New Year!
I spent the whole day on Wednesday freshening up my place. What helped was that I have a chore/cleaning schedule already in placed. Having a cleaning schedule is really useful, and helpful. I find it so much easier to set aside 15-20 minutes a day, then it is setting aside four hours in one day. I feel like it’s less stressful, as well.
Today, I will try to eliminate stress by organizing and planning my chores every day, instead of finding one day throughout the week to do all of my chores. I can now use the day that I would spend my time cleaning, as a day of rest instead.