One Year Later…

A year ago, today, I was hit by a car walking to work. I haven’t even told many people in my family, I guess I just didn’t want them to worry about me. Not many of my family follows my blog, at least not yet anyway. I was extremely thankful and lucky that I didn’t die, or suffer any life threatening injuries from my accident. I only suffered bruises and a bit of swelling. Not even a broken bone. I think my Guardian Angel was my Great Aunt. I like to think that she was watching over me protecting me that day. I remember the last time, I had visited her, she called me her girl, and hugged me. I knew that I always held a special place in her heart.

If you would like to read the original story of my accident, although it may be a bit graphic for some readers. I tried my best not to be too graphic. You can read the original story here, https://threeyellowdaisies.ca/2020/05/29/second-chance/ The purpose of this post is to provide hope and wisdom to other people, and not so much of the story of the accident.

Now I spend my days trying to cram doing all the things that make me happy throughout my days, because we truly don’t know when our last day may be. I was able to start writing my blog again, five months after my accident. I first started this blog in May of 2015, and managed to write it for a year, and took a break, and nearly forgotten about it for four years. But here I am, back and better than ever. And here to stay.

I know that they are many people who lose their lives due to motor vehicle accidents every year. In Canada there were 1,922 people who died in 2018 from a motor vehicle traffic collision. (1) I am truly sorry for everyone who has lost a loved one from a car accident. My heart goes out to you all.

A year ago today, I am reminded that any one of us can die so suddenly, so let’s not waste a day, or even a second for holding a grudge, or hatred towards someone. Why waste a day, being anything, but happy? We should make every one of our days count for something. We should add joy and happiness in someone else’s day. The best part is that doesn’t take a lot of effort. When we make other people happy, it also makes us happy, too. It’s a win win situation. And sometimes people don’t get so lucky with having a second chance at life. So find something that makes you happy, and brings joy to your life. Life truly does go by pretty fast, faster than we think.

I hope everyone can use this tragedy as a reminder to go out and find your passion. Really start living your life. You don’t know what the future is going to bring you, so don’t let it pass you by.

A year later, I still feel pain from time to time in my right thigh where I got hit. I still get a bit anxious going out for a walk, especially at busy interactions, and busy roads. I have always been cautious crossing the street before my accident. And now, I’m even more cautious, if that’s even possible. I avoided having to do any obligations and errands for today, so I don’t have to go outside. It must sound a bit lame, but I just don’t have the strength to go out on the anniversary of my accident.

Getting hit by a car, really changed my life for the better. It gave me motivation to take over my life, again. I learned that I was too focused of living my life to other people’s standards, and not so much as to my standards. I was doing something that people wanted me to do. I even started studying accounting a few years ago, since people told me that I should be an accountant, because I was organized, had a good memory, and good with numbers. I learned that maybe, that’s what I’m not meant to do. And now I am slowly doing the things I want to do for myself. I found my true passions. In the fifth grade I wanted to be a writer, and right now I have been dedicating time to write. I want to add joy to people’s lives, by helping them see the good in themselves, and helping them realize that things do get better.

Throughout the year, other areas of my life have changed, my boyfriend and I no longer live with his family, but now we live with his friend and his family. I no longer work at that coffee shop. Not for reasons related to the accident. That’s just how life worked out for us. I couldn’t be more happy. I was working for someone else’s dreams, and not really have a lot of time to focus on my dreams, and what my passions are. Right now, I have been focusing on my blog, and writing some stories. That is what I am passionate about.

I see this day as a reminder to live my life, chase after my dreams, not try to appease what people want me to do, or they say to me when I’ve just been writing some ideas down. Even though the accident didn’t make much sense, like I always asked myself, why did that happen to me? Why did I lived? I really started questioning my purpose. I’m not working at the moment, but I have been using this time to work on what I am passionate about, which is writing. How thankful I am that I only ended up with bruises. Because I know, not everyone is as lucky. I am thankful that I still get to help others, and that I get to be here for my loved ones. The universe saw something greater in me, than I was capable of seeing in myself, and the universe didn’t want my story to end. This accident ignited a fire in me, that I should do something in my life. It reminds me to always find my purpose and happiness, and go in that direction, and not move backwards.

I hope that people can take away that their life doesn’t last forever, only their legacy does. It’s best not to waste your purpose by living someone else’s dreams. Go and chase your passion. Life is limited, so go out there and make something out of your life.

1. https://tc.canada.ca/en/road-transportation/motor-vehicle-safety/canadian-motor-vehicle-traffic-collision-statistics-2018

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Going to Make It

When I used to work at a job, I didn’t like, I always felt like this. I thought, that I wouldn’t be able to get through the day, or that I was going to have a bad day. And chances are the more I thought that I was going to have a bad day, the more I would actually have bad days.

But now things are getting better in my life, mostly because I have left a job that didn’t make me happy. I am working on something that does make me happy.

Stand by You – Rachel Platten

I love this song, because it is a reminder that we are never alone. It is about being able to get through a tough time with someone helping you get by, or telling someone you are there for them.

It truly is an inspiring song. It reminds me that no matter what is going on in my world, or even the world in general, that things are always going to get better, no matter what.

“Even if we’re breaking down, we can find a way to break through (come on)
Even if we can’t find heaven, I’ll walk through hell with you
Love, you’re not alone, ’cause I’m gonna stand by you
Even if we can’t find heaven, I’m gonna stand by you
Even if we can’t find heaven, I’ll walk through hell with you”

-Rachel Platten, Stand by You

Breakaway -Kelly Clarkson

I have always loved this song growing up. It is such an inspirational song. It was written by Avril Lavigne, who is one of my favourite singers, especially when I was younger.

“I’ll spread my wings, and I’ll learn how to fly
I’ll do what it takes till I touch the sky
And I’ll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won’t forget all the ones that I love
I’ll take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway”

-Kelly Clarkson

To me, this songs talks about how we can make changes in our lives. It’s about wanting to take a chance to rewrite your story. And that no matter how hard and dark things get, things will always get better. There’s no shame in wanting something new and better.

You are the author of the story of your life. No one else is. Keep on striving for the greatness you are destined to have.

Breakthrough

I randomly came across this quote, and it reminded that no matter how terrible seems right now, I realize that I’m not always going to suffer and face bad days. It just means that all of this suffering is preparing me for my transformation. Growing through the concrete is hard work and requires a lot of strength. But once you get to the other side, you’ll realize that it was all for the best and that things worked out for you, far better than you had realized they would have gone.

Let’s use this quote as inspiration and acknowledgement that hardships are preparing us for better days and experiences. Never be afraid of a breakthrough.Breakthroughs add character, and helps you become the person you are destined to become. It reminds me to always be fierce and never back down to something that is going to strengthen me.

Second Chance

*Warning* This blog post may be graphic for some readers.

About six months ago, my boyfriend was walking me to work. During that time it was our winter, so I had slipped and fallen on some ice on my right thigh. It hurt a bit, but I shook it off as I had ways to go. That whole morning, even getting ready for work felt like an off day for me. I wasn’t in the best mood. To be honest, I was feeling a bit discouraged that day.

We were almost at my work, when the light had turned green – our right away. And because I was angry that day, I was walking fast, faster than my boyfriend, and the next thing I knew I was lying on the ground. I had just gotten hit by a car that was turning left and he ran right into me. I was too busy thinking in my head to hear the car turning. My boyfriend tried his best to grab me and pull me out of the way. He felt me slip out of his arms.

I was crying, but I was strong enough to stand up afterwards. My mind has never let me remember the actual feeling of getting hit by the car. Which I am so thankful for. It really was scary. I just remember the feeling pain on my face and on my right thigh, (it didn’t help that I had previously fallen on it, 20 minutes prior) which is what had hit the car. I also remember being scared to touch my face and thigh in fears of feeling broken bones. After I had placed my hands over those body parts, I just felt the skin being swollen, nothing was broken, although I don’t have a Medical Degree, so I couldn’t be 100% certain.

My boyfriend took me over to a side walk where he took his coat off and used that as a cushion for me to sit down on. Then a familiar customer approached me asking me if I was okay, because I assumed not a lot of time has passed by, so she must have saw the accident. She was nice enough to call for help on my behalf. I told her that I worked at the coffee shop just up the street, where she was heading. She had spoke to the manager explaining the situation to my manager. My manager came out and saw me and gave me a hug.

I just remembered looking at the car and seeing his side mirror hanging off over his door handle.

Not much time after that, help showed up. My boyfriend and I both gave the police our statements. We then went to a hospital to get looked at to make sure that I was okay. After a doctor had examined me, she told me that I was lucky. Nothing was broken, just bruises and a bit of swelling.

It was in those moments that I truly was lucky. I could have suffered life-threatening injuries, or worst, I could have died, but the universe told me that my purpose and story wasn’t over. The universe knew that I had more to offer and bring into this world. It made me feel that I was needed and people needed me too.

I was also reminded me that I should be chasing my own dreams and passions and not be persuaded by what others want me to be. I pursued accounting thinking that I would love it, and be good at it. And also because people were encouraging telling me that I would be good at it, as well. But when I was studying it, I felt like my heart wasn’t it.

When they placed my hospital bracelet, I remembered the other times that I had to wear one in the past. Being in the hospital, made me feel like a patient in Grey’s Anatomy. It reminded when I was younger, I always wanted to be a nurse. I love helping people, I’m an optimistic and a caring person who has a lot of patience. To me, those are good qualities to have as a nurse. I know there are many other qualities to be a nurse, but those are the first ones that come to mind.

Later that night, because I had fallen and broke the concrete with my face. I ended up chipping one of my tooth, that I previously chipped two years ago, almost to the day. It was just not my day that day. I noticed because I was eating my dinner and a part of my filling came off. But I am thankful for all of the lessons it has taught me.

Although, to be honest I laid in bed for the next week or so. It wasn’t so much the aftermath of getting hit by the car that knocked me out, it was mostly the anxiety of having to go back outside. I also had a purple, dark blue bruise on my face, so that made me feel a bit self conscious. It was a very scary time for me. Fortunately, the bruise was a pale yellow greenish bruise by the time I returned to work a week later. It reminded that everything is only temporary, this pain won’t last forever.

I just felt a lot of life changing moments during the whole incident. I felt like beforehand, I wasn’t in the best place, emotionally; I often felt like I wasn’t me. I felt like I had outgrew a lot of things, like I was hungry and wanting new and better things for myself. I wanted a new job, a new place to live. The whole incident taught me to not settle for things that made me unhappy, instead choose happiness.

It made me realize that I am stronger than I even realized. I am capable of making changes in my life. This incident made me count my blessings, and to always be thankful no matter what happens to me. It was like this whole thing was a teaching moment. It reinforced everything that I preach in my blog, to be thankful, to never settle, to always believe in yourself and to overcome your anxieties and fears. I can really go and do anything I want to in my life.

It was also a reminder to always live your life like it is your last day. I know that made sound like a cliche, but it’s so true. You should always fill your days doing something you love. Always tell your friends and family how much they mean to you. No one knows when their time is going to run out. Don’t let the bad times bring you down, you can always stand up, no matter how hard the universe may bring you down. Use your troubles as stepping stones for something better. Learn to count your blessings, not your burdens.

Don’t Dwell In Sadness

I have a tendency of allowing myself to dwell sadness. I even let the smallest things bother me. I give my negative thoughts too much power.I know that some of thoughts aren’t true but I still think of them anyway. I think that I’m not good enough, that I’m not lovable and that I underestimate my value from time to time.

I’ve always done this for as long as I could remember.

It is such a difficult habit to break. This is why I turn to happiness because I got tired of wallowing in my negativity and sadness. It sometimes feels like when sadness creeps in I allow it to stay. Even though I try to not to.

When sadness crept into my life in March I started making changes in my life. I began exercising, eating healthy and drinking lots of water sometimes mixing it with either cucumbers or lemons. I also kept up with writing in my journal before I went to bed.

I used to start my day with stretches, eating a healthy breakfast, going for a run, climbing stairs followed by a cool down and a shower.

I made a lot of healthy changes to let go of my sadness.

When my friendship with one of my closest friends was collapsing, it made me feel really sad. It made me think me that I wasn’t good enough. I knew I wasn’t because I did a lot of things that I regret throughout our friendship. I would try to convince myself that those things doesn’t make me a bad person.

A quote that I heard from someone from one of my support groups was that; “All of us has done bad things but we only did them because we had good intentions behind our actions.”

Before I started dating my boyfriend I would talk to him about stuff like this. I also went to support groups to release my sadness. I haven’t been to one in a long time. I used to read my daily readings from One Day At A Time in Al-Anon (Al-Anon is meetings where friends or relatives of the alcoholic can go and seek support from others, guest speakers and from literature) as well as The Language of Letting Go. I really want to start this again.

I felt a lot of the symptoms that a lot of the people experienced in those meetings – guilt, sadness, indecisiveness and many other things.

I have found that these books have been helpful. I enjoy reading them after breakfast. It helps me start the day on the right foot.

Lately I’ve been feeling sad partly because of my uncertainty. I don’t mean uncertainty with my boyfriend or any of my other relationships. I mean career wise. I get nervous about what I should be doing and ponder if it is right for me. I’m a worrier. I doubt myself.

I allowed myself to stay trapped with sadness and not letting happiness rule my day.

I need to believe in myself and trust that everything is under control and that everything happens for a reason even if I may not see now. Nothing bad will happen to me because whatever happens is supposed to happen. This is something that I think of when I worry too much.

I didn’t plan on writing this much, it kind of made me feel like I babbled. But anyway, I am trying to not let my sadness ruin the happiness that I am blessed to have in my life – my boyfriend, family, friends, my job and many more.

I need to continue on making healthy changes for myself. I have written my resolutions for this month that will help me embrace happiness.

Today, I will not allow myself to drown in sadness instead I will let happiness overshadow the darkness. I will try my best to make positive changes in my life. Whenever I am sad I will talk to someone about it or if I am not ready to talk about it, I write it down in a journal until I wish to talk to someone about it. I find it helpful but at the beginning it was a bit scaring.

I won’t let the sorrows of yesterdays ruin my happiness of my tomorrows.

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Staying In the Now

I am trying my best to regain my mindfulness. I used to incorporate it in my life but then I got sidetracked with life and now I’m hoping to regain it again.

I really want to change myself without actually changing myself.

Today, I will do something to stay mindful. It can be something as easy as focusing to my breathing whilst in line at a grocery store or waiting for a bus. You can do it. It will help you regain calmness and stillness in your life.

Realization

Today whilst I was reading my Al-Anon book I became inspired.

“Here’s an eye-opening, mind-opening question to ask myself: What am I doing with what I’ve got? Instead of crying over what I don’t have and wishing my life were different, what I am I doing with what I’ve got?

This made me think that I am not everything I can be and that I am not using everything that I have. From this moment on I will use everything that I have to ensure that I am living to my fullest potential.

Anchor

*Note this is not my tattoo, but I have actually considered something like this later. I think it is too intimidating.

During my shift that I was never scheduled to work a regular customer came in and he had an anchor on his shirt. I have a huge admiration for anchors.

I find that they represent a lot of things. This person’s tattoo symbolizes Hope. Faith and Love. That is important to me. But in general anchors are thrown into the water that is to hold the boat. That means no matter how rough or how stormy it is, you are strong enough to handle anything that comes your way. It offers stability.

It could also be a symbol to represent a loved one where you have been through a lot together. But no matter what tomorrow brings you will still stand by their side because you deeply care about them to not leave.