Day 71

This lesson is from Friday March 12th.

At this time, my Grandpa was in the hospital. He had a heart condition. Unfortunately because of the covid protocols, my sister and I weren’t allowed to see him in the hospital, but with the help from my uncle, we were able to FaceTime. Throughout the week, he was becoming less and less responsive, since his doctors put on sedatives. My Dad was planning on visiting him on the weekend, but because his health was declining, I had suggested that my Dad to say his goodbyes today, rather than waiting until the weekend. My sister and I were able to FaceTime him, and we were able to chat together, reflecting on all of the good memories.

The key thing is our family is everything. I know that they are people who have strained relationships with either their parents, or siblings, or aunts, or uncles, or whoever else. Try your best to make amends with them, if that’s what you want. I know that might be hard to do, depending on the reason why you aren’t speaking, or have grudges against them. But if something were to happen to you, or this person, would you want to be forgiven? Or would you want to forgive them? Ask yourself those questions. And if you are okay, without seeking forgiveness, than you don’t need to make amends with them.

But if you would rather work on things, and forgive each other, than I suggest that you find a way to forgive one another. I know that things may be difficult to make amends. There are still options, you can mail them a letter, an email, FaceTime them, etc.

Family can leave us when we least expect them to. So we should acknowledge our family members whenever we can. Sometimes family is all we have.

Today, I will try my best to reach to someone in my family. Family may be all that I have, so I should embrace everyone while they are still here. I wouldn’t want to regret and miss out on any visits with them. Or in this case because of the pandemic, we can FaceTime them, or just call them. Or even just mail them a letter if I can.

Read This When You Are Angry

Hi y’all. Sorry I haven’t been around much. I have just been going through something the past few days. More on that later.

So, this was a letter I wrote for my boyfriend. The theme was these letters, sealed in an envelope. It says “Open when… You are Sad” Other emotions were when you are happy, when you need motivation, when you are bored, when you need motivation, etc. I had written ten different letters, because it was for our 10 months anniversary.

This is what I wrote for Anger. It include quotes from movies we like, and proverbs I like.

Dear: Boyfriend,

“Hey, Mr. Grumpy Gills. When life gets you down, you know what you gotta do? Just keep swimming! Just keep swimming! Just keep swimming!” -Dory, Finding Nemo

“If you are pateient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow.” -Chinese Proverb

It’s okay to be mad every now and again. It’s HOW you handle it, that matters. When you’re mad, it’s important to not say something that you do not mean. It’s also important to respect people’s belongings, and feelings.

Allow yourself to be angry, no need to disguise it, or dismiss your feelings of anger. Next learn to sit with your anger. Don’t act on your anger, just sit and think about it. No need to rush your thoughts and or actions. Just sit. Take your time to feel this emotion – feel your heart beat, observe your breath. Meditate with your feelings. Decide you are not looking for a way to get even, or to gain power.

Look back on what kind of mood you were in before the situation (the one that got you mad). It may not have been the incident that is to blame. Ask yourself; “Why is this bothering me so much?” Is it really what someone else did, or are you feeling angry because of what you are interpreting their actions to mean? For example you get mad at someone for not listening, because you interpret it as this person not caring about you. Take a look at your actions. Look for all areas where you may be projecting your own traits onto someone else to get closer to the root of your feelings. Jot your feelings down in a journal. Let it all out.

Now that you’ve spent some time dealing with your anger, initiate a conversation with this person about what bothered you in a way without you expressing your anger in a rude or violent manner. The way to do that is by using; “I feel…” language. This way, you are not assuming this person did something intentionally, or that you come across as assuming something. Another phrase that is beneficial is “It seemed to me like…”. This helps you explain your understanding of the situation without assuming something of the other person. You are simply expressing how their actions make you feel so they have an understanding about how their actions impact you. Resist the urge to bring up other grievances, instead stick to the situation at hand, and discuss those at another time, if you still need to. Validate the person’s perspective. It is important to value the way they see the situation, too. Focus on creating a solution. If your goal is to get the other person to admit that they were wrong, you’re probably end up in a power struggle.

Learn from what you value. This situation taught you something useful about what you value in people. Learn what you need, maybe you needed that lesson, to improve a relationship. Learn from it, own it, act on it. Learn how to communicate clearly. This helps you to fully express yourself in a way for you to be honest. This also helps you to learn how you can improve your response to anger from escalating. Maybe you have learnt to put more space between your feelings, and responses. Next, reflect and learn what you’ll do differently in another situation.

And lastly, forgive. After the person has apologized, one way to finish the conversation is by saying. “I love you. I forgive you.”

“For ever minute you spend being angry, you lose sixty seconds of happiness.”

Forgiveness

“Forgiveness
is for anyone who needs safe passage through my mind.”

-Buddy Wakefield

 

Forgiveness

“Forgiveness is the release of all hope for a better past.”

-Buddy Wakefield

A Broken Mug

I was at my boyfriend’s house and we always have tea. I always have my tea in the same mug. My boyfriend would even wash it for me when it was dirty. Well, mind you it wasn’t my mug, it was his mother’s but I used it because it was yellow.

This morning boyfriend walked downstairs to make us a cup of tea. I stayed in his room and then about five minutes later he walks into his room holding something in his hands.

“I have some bad news…” my boyfriend began but then later got interrupted by me asking what. I finally figured it out before he could finish his thought.

“YOU BROKE MY MUG?!” “I’m sorry, I’ll buy you and my ma a new mug.”

I marched into the kitchen to find a million of pieces shattered on the floor. It felt like my heart broke too.

Whilst he was cleaning it I had pick up a few pieces of what was left of the mug so I can add it to my Memory Box.

This taught me a lot of things that I’m working on. It shows me that I need to continue working on these things. I learnt how to let things go, forgive someone of their wrongdoings and to appreciate the small things.