Bonding

I am fortunate for all of the people l have in my life. I am also fortunate the people I’ve crossed paths but no longer walk with them. I miss the ones whom have passed on before me. I will cherish those memories forever.

I always show my family and friends that I care about them. I feel privileged to share a part of ,my life with them.

It is important to spend time with others. You learn something new, you laugh, you cry, they help you sort through your problems. It’s always nice to have someone dear to make time for.

Today, I will make time for those who make time for me.

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Try Something New.

I have been wanting to try new stuff like recipes I haven’t tried, trying new experiences. Never miss an opportunity to do something out of the ordinary.

I finally get to see one of my friends that I haven’t seen in what feels like forever. I can’t wait to catch up with her.

Today, I will be adventurous.

Setting Boundaries

This week has not gone as planned. Sunday my family didn’t really invite me to go the beach with them. Then yesterday I burned the first fingers on my right hand. Lucky it didn’t hurt that much.

Then today I had quite an overwhelming day, more so than I expected. I guess because I didn’t do anything from my morning routine which to be honest have been lacking terribly. I was going to for a run when I woke up but I figured it would be raining so I had breakfast and then instead of showering before work I went back to bed.

Anyway I got ready for work and I felt excitement to go shopping beforehand.

I bought a Mason jar that I can decorate into a vase for someone dear to me. Then I bought two new dresses that I thought I didn’t want to buy yesterday but then I ended up getting them today.

I started work and it was alright, it could have gone better. I didn’t realize that something got removed from our menu and a customer called in and asked for that. My coworker was already mad and then became even more mad at me. So I had to refrain myself from not talking, that’s something I typically do when people are upset/mad at me.

But then later I saw one of my friends and his friend in the restaurant near the end of my shift which was great. Talking to him brighten my day.

Whilst we were talking, I gave him my blog address and he started reading it. I can tell he thoroughly enjoyed the positive vibes.

I checked my phone which I had received four messages from another dear person which later saddened me to the point where I forgot that I was with my friend and his friend until he later said; “Sooo…?” I felt bad because her and I were both on our phones.

My ma picked me up and then I finally went for shower. My plans were to visit someone after work but those plans got cancelled.

The hardest thing for me to learn is acceptance and maintaining healthy boundaries. I sometimes feel like I’m too attached or either too distant. I could never find a balance. I feel like I’m sometimes unworthy. Before I began writing this post I was rereading my older posts where optimism was present. And now I’m trying to gain back that vibe.

I often struggle to feel like I am good enough. I guess it comes from my own inability to fully accept and love myself. I try not to let the negative take up so much of my time. From past experiences I have trust issues and fears of getting too close to someone for they would either abandon me or do something shady. I do trust people but at first it can be scary. It takes me awhile to fully trust someone. I learn from the past but I try to not let it affect my future.

Today I have learnt a lot. I have learnt that the best way to fix your problems is by not manipulating or controlling an outcome. Instead explain your feelings to the person in the conflict with and let them reply. What is meant to happen will happen. It’s part of the Universe’s divine plan for you so you know it is for the best. You may not see it now but it will be. And no matter what happens I will continue to tell myself that I am lovable. The most important relationship is the one you have with yourself. You must love yourself in order for you to love others.

“Accept – then react. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it” -Eckhart Tolle

“Even if the most important person in your world rejects you, you are still real and you are still okay.” -Melody Bettie, Codependent No More

Surprises Can Be Fun

Originally written on Saturday, June the 6th, 2015 but I didn’t publish this until my friend about this adventure in person.

I had such a busy day but it was all worth it.

I worked today and one of my coworkers asked me how I was getting home and she later revealed that I needed to call my ma to tell her to pick me up at a later time. She told me that she needed to explain something to me.

So I jumped to conclusion (which I admit I shouldn’t have done, but did anyway) about it being something bad. Later on, I thought perhaps they would throw me a party but throughout the shift another co-worker was talking about their graduation party so I became a little disappointed about how they might have skipped over my birthday.

When our shifts were over we ordered pizza and wings. I felt bad for not pitching in because everyone else pitched in for the purchase.  Mostly because I just found out about this a few hours ago. I wasn’t able to pitch in because I didn’t have cash on me all I had was my debit card. Whilst were eating and I kept on thinking about how this might have been my birthday gathering but wasn’t sure.

One of my co-worker’s boyfriend who was with us revealed that his birthday just recently passed as well. So I thought maybe we were celebrating his birthday.

It later revealed itself that it was in fact MY birthday gathering when a co-worker carried a cake with candles. Everyone gathered around singing happy birthday to me It was nostalgic when a co-worker bought a cake that I would always have when I was child. I never had a surprise birthday party before in all my life. It was quite fun! I am very happy and grateful for my coworkers for planning something special for me. I feel fortunate to work with amazing people. 🙂 ❤

Patience Is A Virtue

All good things comes to those who wait.

It sometimes takes me awhile to catch my buses to venture off to my friend’s house but after my journey it is totally worth it!

Today we had to wait 40 minutes for pizza but we watched our show whilst we waited. It was quite scrumptious!! 😀

I had a great day with my friend. 🙂

The longer you have to wait for something the more you will appreciate it when it happens. Keep your head up.

Everything Happens For A Reason

We have all heard of the saying; “Everything happens for a reason even if we aren’t wise enough to it.”

I was at work earlier today and a friend of a friend of me crossed my path again. Him and I were talking and it was a really nice conversation. He hasn’t gotten the chance to check out my blog yet but I hope he does soon.

Anyway, I strongly believe that no matter what we are experiencing in our lives it is meant to happen. No need to manipulate or control the outcome of it. You are not in control. The Universe has a divine plan for us.

Every person we meet is there to teach us a lesson of some kind. Whether it to be to let go, to grow, to gain confidence in ourselves or to how to trust again. These are traits that are needed to rebuild ourselves after a hardship in our life.

Never give up. We can overcome anything because it is part of our path. Let it happen. And believe that it will be okay.

Sacrificing Your Sleep

I know that being the busy gal I am this isn’t the smartest thing to do but it was surprisingly worth it.

I was waiting for my friend to finish work but I ended up falling asleep in the process and then I suddenly woke up after 3:30 AM. I woke up because I wanted a glass of water. After I came back from the kitchen I checked my phone to realize that I had ZERO new messages.

I messaged my friend thinking that he might be up at this hour and then we started talking and after 7 we had to call it quits because it was getting… late? Or early depending on which way you would like to look at it.

Doing stuff like this is fun but shouldn’t happen all the time because you don’t want it to interfere with your sleeping schedule. I learned that socializing too much passed my bed time makes my work shift more hectic.

Green Tea Earl Grey

I brought my Green Tea and Earl Grey tea with me to my friend’s house. I asked him if he wanted to make this for us and he agreed. He then asked me if I wanted milk and sugar in it so I said sure. Although I forgot to tell him that I don’t add a lot of milk and sugar to it.

After the tea brewed I took a sip of it and I thought it was quite scrumptious! He even served it in a yellow mug which happens to be my favourite colour. 🙂

The reason why I bought that tea was because it’s a blend of our favourite teas. I’m the one who loves Earl Grey by the way. It was the best of both worlds.

The End of My Second Regeneration

Today is my 21st birthday! I’ve read that it takes your body seven years to reproduce every cell in the body so it’s almost like every seven years you become a new person.

Throughout the past seven years I have learned many things about life and about myself. I had to be strong because I had faced several defeats in life. I lost a lot. I had to learn to pick up the pieces for a lot of different situations.

Throughout the past seven years I had to face many challenges; transitioning to high school – which at first I thought was really scary, my parent’s separation, moving out of my childhood house into a smaller house with my ma.

I felt abandoned by many, I didn’t like to be close with people because I was always thinking of when this person would leave me like the other people have. But they left because I came across as someone who was too needy. I was only viewed like this because I overly cared about them and didn’t want to deal with the emotions of having someone else leave.

It hurts me looking back and viewing how much people used to care about me and then now I mean absolutely nothing to them. It meant something that our paths intertwined with one another. And just because our paths no longer intersect with one another it doesn’t mean it won’t again in the future.

I had a lot of trust issues where I didn’t believe people but then I would become overly trusting and believing in lies that I knew weren’t true. In fear of being alone. I became friends with people who would hurt me. I feared of cross-talk. I know that one of the most harmful weapons in the world is the tongue. I always see the good beyond the doubt in others. Whenever someone abandoned me I would vow to never get too close to people. Instead I ensured myself that this time I would not allow myself to have my feelings used, or my trust to get taken advantage of.

I felt alone throughout that. I felt that I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t a good enough sister, daughter, friend, cousin, every title I am. I was allowing myself to be defined by every mistake I made.

I started learning healthy boundaries with other people especially since I lacked healthy boundaries. It took me a long time to realize the friendships I was engaging myself in were unhealthy.

There were times where I didn’t like myself because I thought not a lot of people did. I was my worst critic. I always brought myself down with thinking all of these negative thoughts about myself.

I had to say good bye to many things and people I love. I had to say good bye to my childhood house that I lived in there for 16 years. That was heartbreaking. I never wanted to say goodbye to people or to things, I just kept holding onto things that were slowly harming me.

I used to play victim to receive sympathy for others. I always sought attention from others. I tried to control other people to get the outcomes I want. I sought perfection and tried to find it and always strive to ensure perfection wherever I went.

Now, I’m learning to accept things as they and not as how I want them to be. I am learning self-love and learning how to love myself again. Because if I don’t love myself for who I am, who will?

I’ve been learning to learn go and learn that everything is only temporary so enjoy it whilst it lasts. Nothing good can last forever and no pain can last forever. Enjoy the journey.

I’m identifying what a healthy relationship/friendship looks like. I am learning to trust myself. I take care of myself to ensure a healthy lifestyle. Despite that my best friend ended our 7.5 year friendship I have many other friends who genuinely care about me.

I try my best to stay in the present. I only look back unless looking back will improve my well-being in the present. I only look in the future if I am making plans.

I try my best to succeed in everything I do. If I fail, it’s okay. What’s important is how far I bounce back after falling. My butterfly wings might be fragile at times but when I let go off something my wings will always take me to where I need to go.

My second regeneration dealt with a lot of loss and sadness. It is with my sadness that I have transformed myself into finding my inner strength. I am accepting that everything happens for a reason even though I may not be wise enough to see it.

I am enjoying our new house. I had to let go of my past and let go of my processions that I carried with me throughout the years.I feel more organized about myself.

It took me a while to accept this journey but it helped me find myself. I know that everyday I am getting closer to happiness. I just got to keep going and never give up.

I am grateful for everyone that has crossed my path even if they aren’t apart of this journey. I try my best to keep your shrine alive in my heart no matter how much I allowed you to hurt me.

“Fall down seven times, stand up eight.”

Seeing A Friendly Smile

I was at work and then I saw one of my friends smiling. I was so happy to see her. She is such a wonderful friend. She is by far the generous person I’ve ever met.

I was grateful that she showed up whilst I was at work. I’m glad our paths crossed. Here’s too many more memories. 🙂