We Run From Pain

“Something terrible happens, we blame ourselves, and we don’t want to feel it, so we run. We run from joy, too because we think we don’t deserve happiness. But it’s a package deal. There is no joy without pain.”

-Meredith Grey, Grey’s Anatomy

For some of you who are new my blog, one of my favourite shows is Grey’s Anatomy. I can binge watch that show for days on end. In fact, I have countless times.

As of lately I have been feeling sad, well I’ve been mostly sad these days. I’ve been trying my best to cheer myself up, some days can be a difficult task than other days.

This was a quote that Meredith says to Teddy about how Teddy is always running from her pain. And that when happy things happen to her, she feels like she doesn’t deserve it. Which I can 100% relate to. This year has been unbearable and challenging at times. I feel like I have been running away from my problems. But that is a never ending race. As much as we hate to admit this, we will never be able to run away from our problems. They will keep on reappearing in our lives until we learn we are needed to learn in the first place. The problem with feelings is they demand to be felt.

I keep on reminding myself that there will come a time that the pain I had to encounter is going to transfer into something so beautiful and joyous. We just have to keep on believing in ourselves, and we’ll see it for ourselves. Our battles and problems will turn us into warriors, we just can’t let them ruin us, or bring us down. If we let our situations belittle us, I hope that we continue to raise to the occasion. Like my Grandpa always said; “Time waits for no one.”.

We think we don’t deserve happiness or joy, but we actually do deserve it. We work so hard, and feel like there isn’t time to truly experience bliss. We are too busy to let these positive emotions in. But we really should be setting aside time for happiness.

When we feel pain, just know that joy is soon to follow. We just have to trust the universe, and ourselves.

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A Year in My Life

I wish I could say that this past year has been easy, but truthfully it has been the most extricating, difficult year that I had went through in a very long time. I have experience the loss of many things and people. My world fell apart like a supernova. It all began when my Grandpa passed away last March. His passing broke me, I remember spending days curled up in my bed, crying, and being sad for days on end. I have been replaying a lot of our memories in my head. I have a lot of pictures that I look at when I miss him.

He truly was an amazing person. Everyone loved him and he was everyone’s best friend. He is so missed, but he is forever in my heart. I think about him all of the time.

I had tried taking on a retail job. I have normally just done jobs in the food industry, so it was difficult in the beginning. After months, I have been managing just fine. I have worked a few retail jobs before, so I have been using the skills to my new job. I have actually met some really nice people there. It was a hard adjustment, but now I feel like I can get in the swing of things.

And then unfortunately I experienced another loss when my aunt passed away a few months ago. I miss her so much. I feel bad because I haven’t had many chances to see her recently since the whole covid situation. She passed away so unexpectedly. I always wished I was able to spend more time with her before she passed away. But unfortunately that is life. We all have one last day with everyone, we just never know when that might happen. That is why it is important to stay in touch with the people that matter the most. It should also reinforce us to be kind to each other, since we don’t know what our last words may be to someone.

And another loss that I faced last year, was when my boyfriend and I broke up. We still talk from time to time, we don’t hate each other. We are able to be civil about it.

So this explains why I haven’t been that active in the blog universe.

Although the one good thing about last year is that I was able to reconnect with one of my friends from many years ago. I am happy that the universe decided to bring someone that can bring joy in my life despite taking away people. That is the universe’s way of taking the good with the bad.

After all of the losses I had suffered last year, I truly hope that 2022 is the year for me. Things aren’t exactly perfect right now. But I pray for guidance, and for the strength to not allow myself to stay broken. I will try to rebuild myself so I can come back stronger than ever. My life has been so messy and complicated right now, but what matters is how I rebuild myself after these losses. I have big goals for myself. I am excited for all of the things I have planned to do this year. Of course, I would be documenting my goals and dreams on my blog. I do wish to blog more again.

I truly miss all of you. I hope everyone has been doing well. I appreciate any words of feedback, love and prayers. I will try to get back to everyone who comments. Thank you again for understanding.

Day 80

This lesson is from Sunday March 21st.

Something that is important to me, is to make sure I keep my promises to people, but also to myself as well. This life lesson was reinforced to me at my Grandpa’s epilogue. He has made an importance that we kept our promises. There are things that I have promised myself. I have goals and dreams that I would love to achieve. I don’t want to let myself down, so I am continuing to work hard to ensure that I achieve all of the goals I have for myself.

I hope that there are promises that you are able to keep to yourself and other people, too. It’s important to show that you take accountability for your actions. It shows that you are responsible and credible. It is an important skill to have as an employee, friend, and a family member.

Today, I will try my best to show that I am accountable by keeping my promises to everyone, and to myself. It is important that I don’t let anyone down by not staying true to my word.

Day 79

I have been spending a lot of time reading Melody Beattie’s The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditation on Codependency, and I have become inspired to write my own daily meditation to inspire others. Which is what inspired to write these daily writing ideas. I think it is a wonderful idea to help people shift their mindsets about various life paths. Maybe people had bad days and need to believe in themselves again. I write about life lessons I have either learned that day, or I have learned at some point in my life. Mind you things that I have learned, may work for some, but not for everyone, and that is okay! Sometimes people may or may not like what I write about, and that’s okay, too! Take what you like, and leave the rest is something that I like to live by as well.

This is from Saturday March 20th.

Something I have learned from my Grandpa was that we have the ability to live the lives we are destined to live. We are always one decision away from a completely different life. The power doesn’t have to belong to anyone else, but ourselves. We can ask people for advice, but at the end of the day, the power to decide and to act on these decisions is left in our hands. We are the ones that actually walk down these paths, no one else can walk this journey for us. We have the power to do anything we want. We can change our career paths, we can start a new chapter in our lives, and so much more.

Today, I will seek advice from others, and research ideas of how to make the changes I want in my life. I will understand that the power to make these changes are within me. I don’t necessarily need anyone else’s opinions to change my life. It’s up to me to decide what is best for me. There isn’t anything I cannot do, for the world is filled with many opportunities. I am more than capable of seizing anything I want to achieve for myself.

Thankful Thursdays #38 – March 18th, 2021

This is one of my favourite posts to write about. I love expressing gratitude, and sharing with everyone what I am thankful for throughout my life.

I would love to hear what everyone is thankful for, as well.

1. I am thankful that I was able to say goodbye to my Papa, before he had passed away, and during his funeral. I know in most countries that people weren’t able to have a funeral because of Covid-19 protocols. My sister and I talked to my uncle who was visiting his Dad, and we talked to him via FaceTime. It wasn’t how I had wished to say goodbye to him, but I am thankful that I was able to say goodbye to him. I was able to thank my Grandpa for all of the memories, and love he gave to me.
2. As I looked back I realize how lucky I was to have all of these years with my Grandpa. I know a lot of people from my school, and others growing up with, they didn’t get to have as many years as I did with my Grandpa.
3. My family and I haven’t been able to see each other since Christmas of 2019, but we able to see each other from a distance during the funeral. That was bittersweet.
4. When I was with my niece the other day, she was listening to music, and one them had said, “I love you”, and I heard her say that to me for the first time. She even looked away from her iPad, and said that to my face. So precious!
5. I am thankful that I am able to find comfort of the loss with my books. I had a bit of a reading slump for a little while.

Day 77

This is from Thursday March 18th.

Within the week of my Papa’s passing, we had a funeral for him. It was a lovely and beautiful service. I miss him and love him so much. I just wished we had more memories towards the end. Only because the final year of his life was spent in lockdown, so we couldn’t visit him. I feel like if I was able to see him during his final year, I wouldn’t feel so sad.

Something that my Papa always lived by, was to devote your time into your passions. Find what you are passionate about and spend your time working on them. It really encourage me to devote my time to spend time brainstorming and writing down some book ideas. My lifelong dream is to be a published author. I would love to be my own boss, and just write books. I have been planning on getting all caught up with the things I am behind in, like reading my library books, my blog, and just rearranging things in my room.

It is important to spend a bit of time every day to work on your goals and passions. Even if it’s just five minutes, it will be five minutes more than what you would have spent on your dreams if you didn’t.

Today, I will discover what my passions, and what I would like to accomplish in the upcoming weeks, months, or even years, depending on what your goal is. Once I have decided on what I want to achieve in my life, I would devote a little bit of time every day to achieve all that I would like to achieve.

Just Checking In

Hi everyone!

For the sake of my Happiness Project, I ended up changing the date of my publication date on my previous blog posts. That way all of March Happiness Project’s resolutions and goals can be found in March, and not scattered through March, April and May. Thank you again for your patience and understanding.

I apologize for being so busy these past two months. I’m not sure if you have heard, but my Grandpa passed away two months ago. It has been the most challenging, and heartbreaking past few weeks. I feel like I’ve been going through a lot. He was the closest person I have ever lost. He was my best friend.

I have been trying to get all caught up with everything on here. But at the same time it feels like everyone wants my attention, and needs my help. I know I should put myself first, and my desires first. But at the same time, I always struggle to say no. But I do all of these things for my niece’s sake, and her benefit.

There are days where my sister and her boyfriend need me to watch my niece. And some days, I feel like drained by my other obligations, but I say yes, so I can see my niece, and spend time with her.

I am slowly starting to work towards things I want to do for myself, and things that would make me happy. I guess I just feel drained because there is so many things I want to do, and work towards, but I have falling a bit behind. I am now finding down time to get things done.

I made a list of some of the things that I need and want to get done. This has been so helpful, because I don’t have to get a mental note out of everything that I would like to get done. And now that I have a better visual of what needs to get done. I can see how to spend my time more wisely. This will help me stay motivated and on track of achieving everything I set out for myself.

I can’t wait to get all caught up again. I appreciate the love and support from everyone. Please continue to send me positive messages, and support. My goal is get caught up with things by June, if I can. I am determined to work through a lot on my To-Do List. I can’t wait to hear from all of you again. ❤

WWW Wednesdays – March 17th, 2021

Hey bookworms! This is the post where we talk about books, and what we are reading by answering the following questions…

1. What have I finished reading?
2. What am I currently reading?
3. What will I read next?

1. What have I finished reading?

Unfortunately with my Grandpa being in the hospital and him passing away, I entered a reading slump. I had a hard focusing on reading any books, so I didn’t finish reading anything.

2. What am I currently reading?

Photo Credit: Goodreads

The beginning of the book is a little bit sad, it reminded me of my Grandpa. He was the youngest of six siblings, so he saw all of his siblings leave their family home when he was young. And in the book, Kya she sees her siblings leave their house, too. And it took me awhile to read it, since I kept on thinking about my Grandpa.

3. What will I read next?

Photo Credit: Goodreads

Concluding Tea Tuesdays

I feel more than happy to end Tea Tuesdays, mostly because I have showcased all of my mugs, and my favourite teas. I feel content writing about my last post about my Grandpa’s favourite tea. It was a nice tribute, and happy ending for me. My Grandpa was the one who introduced to me, and made me love it so much. So I am happy that my last post was about him.

Talking Out Loud

Every week, I like to focus and write about simple ways that help lift us into better mood, that doesn’t require much energy or money. I call it Feel Good Fridays. I like to think that can help others.

What helped me get through my Grandpa’s stay at the hospital, was talking about my feelings with my aunts, and uncles. We shared a lot of our memories. I also talked about my feelings with my friends, too.

Whatever you are going through right now, it’s best to talk to someone you love and trust. If you aren’t able to talk to someone, you can always write about your feelings, too. I was thinking about setting up an email for my blog. So if you didn’t have anyone to talk to, I can be your person. I will keep you posted about that.

When I was younger, I didn’t really have many people to share my feelings with, so I often kept my feelings bottled up. I only had my journal to write about my feelings, and goals. So I have learned that it is important to release your feelings to someone you trust, and or love.

I felt a lot of sadness when my Grandpa had passed away. But I felt fortunate enough to have people that I can talk to about my feelings. I haven’t lost anyone this close to me before, so it was really hard to process my feelings, it still kind of is. But at the same time, I was so blessed to have all of these memories with him. I was fortunate enough to have said my goodbyes to him, not everyone gets that opportunity.

I also feel fortunate that I have a good support system, and my many friends in this blog universe. I appreciate everyone for the love and support.