We Run From Pain

“Something terrible happens, we blame ourselves, and we don’t want to feel it, so we run. We run from joy, too because we think we don’t deserve happiness. But it’s a package deal. There is no joy without pain.”

-Meredith Grey, Grey’s Anatomy

For some of you who are new my blog, one of my favourite shows is Grey’s Anatomy. I can binge watch that show for days on end. In fact, I have countless times.

As of lately I have been feeling sad, well I’ve been mostly sad these days. I’ve been trying my best to cheer myself up, some days can be a difficult task than other days.

This was a quote that Meredith says to Teddy about how Teddy is always running from her pain. And that when happy things happen to her, she feels like she doesn’t deserve it. Which I can 100% relate to. This year has been unbearable and challenging at times. I feel like I have been running away from my problems. But that is a never ending race. As much as we hate to admit this, we will never be able to run away from our problems. They will keep on reappearing in our lives until we learn we are needed to learn in the first place. The problem with feelings is they demand to be felt.

I keep on reminding myself that there will come a time that the pain I had to encounter is going to transfer into something so beautiful and joyous. We just have to keep on believing in ourselves, and we’ll see it for ourselves. Our battles and problems will turn us into warriors, we just can’t let them ruin us, or bring us down. If we let our situations belittle us, I hope that we continue to raise to the occasion. Like my Grandpa always said; “Time waits for no one.”.

We think we don’t deserve happiness or joy, but we actually do deserve it. We work so hard, and feel like there isn’t time to truly experience bliss. We are too busy to let these positive emotions in. But we really should be setting aside time for happiness.

When we feel pain, just know that joy is soon to follow. We just have to trust the universe, and ourselves.

Advertisement

Thankful Thursdays #34 – February 18th, 2021

It is important that we spend time reflecting what we are thankful for. It’s important that we express our gratitude. Whatever we send into the universe, comes back to us multiplied. So the more we express our gratitude into universe, the more it comes back to us.

I have a lot to be thankful for this week, and I hope everyone does, too.

Here is my list…

  1. My boyfriend had a snow day, so he didn’t get to go to work that day, instead we just got to hang out together. Which is always fun!
  2. We also watched Tarzan, I haven’t seen that movie in awhile. I really enjoyed that movie.
  3. I am thankful that I got to spend the day watching my favourite show. I love watching Grey’s Anatomy. I’m trying to get myself for its return next month.
  4. I am grateful for spending more time cooking, I love cooking. Yesterday, I even got to watch my show while I cook.
  5. I am thankful that things are getting better with my boyfriend and myself. We have a lot of disagreements lately, but I am glad that things are better now.

Second Chance

*Warning* This blog post may be graphic for some readers.

About six months ago, my boyfriend was walking me to work. During that time it was our winter, so I had slipped and fallen on some ice on my right thigh. It hurt a bit, but I shook it off as I had ways to go. That whole morning, even getting ready for work felt like an off day for me. I wasn’t in the best mood. To be honest, I was feeling a bit discouraged that day.

We were almost at my work, when the light had turned green – our right away. And because I was angry that day, I was walking fast, faster than my boyfriend, and the next thing I knew I was lying on the ground. I had just gotten hit by a car that was turning left and he ran right into me. I was too busy thinking in my head to hear the car turning. My boyfriend tried his best to grab me and pull me out of the way. He felt me slip out of his arms.

I was crying, but I was strong enough to stand up afterwards. My mind has never let me remember the actual feeling of getting hit by the car. Which I am so thankful for. It really was scary. I just remember the feeling pain on my face and on my right thigh, (it didn’t help that I had previously fallen on it, 20 minutes prior) which is what had hit the car. I also remember being scared to touch my face and thigh in fears of feeling broken bones. After I had placed my hands over those body parts, I just felt the skin being swollen, nothing was broken, although I don’t have a Medical Degree, so I couldn’t be 100% certain.

My boyfriend took me over to a side walk where he took his coat off and used that as a cushion for me to sit down on. Then a familiar customer approached me asking me if I was okay, because I assumed not a lot of time has passed by, so she must have saw the accident. She was nice enough to call for help on my behalf. I told her that I worked at the coffee shop just up the street, where she was heading. She had spoke to the manager explaining the situation to my manager. My manager came out and saw me and gave me a hug.

I just remembered looking at the car and seeing his side mirror hanging off over his door handle.

Not much time after that, help showed up. My boyfriend and I both gave the police our statements. We then went to a hospital to get looked at to make sure that I was okay. After a doctor had examined me, she told me that I was lucky. Nothing was broken, just bruises and a bit of swelling.

It was in those moments that I truly was lucky. I could have suffered life-threatening injuries, or worst, I could have died, but the universe told me that my purpose and story wasn’t over. The universe knew that I had more to offer and bring into this world. It made me feel that I was needed and people needed me too.

I was also reminded me that I should be chasing my own dreams and passions and not be persuaded by what others want me to be. I pursued accounting thinking that I would love it, and be good at it. And also because people were encouraging telling me that I would be good at it, as well. But when I was studying it, I felt like my heart wasn’t it.

When they placed my hospital bracelet, I remembered the other times that I had to wear one in the past. Being in the hospital, made me feel like a patient in Grey’s Anatomy. It reminded when I was younger, I always wanted to be a nurse. I love helping people, I’m an optimistic and a caring person who has a lot of patience. To me, those are good qualities to have as a nurse. I know there are many other qualities to be a nurse, but those are the first ones that come to mind.

Later that night, because I had fallen and broke the concrete with my face. I ended up chipping one of my tooth, that I previously chipped two years ago, almost to the day. It was just not my day that day. I noticed because I was eating my dinner and a part of my filling came off. But I am thankful for all of the lessons it has taught me.

Although, to be honest I laid in bed for the next week or so. It wasn’t so much the aftermath of getting hit by the car that knocked me out, it was mostly the anxiety of having to go back outside. I also had a purple, dark blue bruise on my face, so that made me feel a bit self conscious. It was a very scary time for me. Fortunately, the bruise was a pale yellow greenish bruise by the time I returned to work a week later. It reminded that everything is only temporary, this pain won’t last forever.

I just felt a lot of life changing moments during the whole incident. I felt like beforehand, I wasn’t in the best place, emotionally; I often felt like I wasn’t me. I felt like I had outgrew a lot of things, like I was hungry and wanting new and better things for myself. I wanted a new job, a new place to live. The whole incident taught me to not settle for things that made me unhappy, instead choose happiness.

It made me realize that I am stronger than I even realized. I am capable of making changes in my life. This incident made me count my blessings, and to always be thankful no matter what happens to me. It was like this whole thing was a teaching moment. It reinforced everything that I preach in my blog, to be thankful, to never settle, to always believe in yourself and to overcome your anxieties and fears. I can really go and do anything I want to in my life.

It was also a reminder to always live your life like it is your last day. I know that made sound like a cliche, but it’s so true. You should always fill your days doing something you love. Always tell your friends and family how much they mean to you. No one knows when their time is going to run out. Don’t let the bad times bring you down, you can always stand up, no matter how hard the universe may bring you down. Use your troubles as stepping stones for something better. Learn to count your blessings, not your burdens.

Distressing

After all of the stress that I have been under I distressed by having breakfast with my boyfriend and then I hung out with his family for the rest of the day. I had this lunch with his mama and sister. Then his brother bought me dinner. It was great! I also watched Grey’s Anatomy – I’m only on the second season so please, NO SPOILERS! I absolutely love that show.

Before I left I wrote my boyfriend a letter and placed it on his pillow and then I made the bed. 🙂 ❤

Today I will take time to distress from what is happening in my life.