Day 42

I got to babysit my niece for an extra day last week. She normally sees her grandparents but they were busy that day, so I got to watch her. The day before I babysat, I was thinking of making this cute art and craft for my sister and her boyfriend as a Valentine’s Day present. My niece is almost 2 years old, so I had a few craft ideas that she could do.

I decided that I can try to trace her hands to make a heart, and then I traced her feet to make another heart. I put her show on, and I put her in her chair. It turned out nice, despite that I didn’t get it into heart shapes. I let her give it to my sister. My sister thought that was super cute, she loved it!

Something that Gretchen Rubin reminded me to do was, “Don’t let perfection be the enemy of the good” in her book, The Happiness Project. It means that you can’t let yourselves get so caught up with perfection, that everything around you loses its beauty. You just got to remind yourself that you did your best.

I like to think that her craft was beautifully done. But there are other times where I have to remind myself that it’s okay for things to be messy, like how she loves to keep her toys all sprawled throughout the living room. Or how I sometimes get bothered that her pants are crocked. It’s small things like this. I am trying hard to look pass this. I’m not a mom, so it may or may not take me longer to get over this. I know there might be some people saying that I will miss the mess when she is older.

Today, I am reminded that I must look pass the imperfections, and see that the world can be a beautiful place. I will accept the fact that the world doesn’t have to be perfect to be beautiful. Don’t let yourself to miss out on things because you would rather see the imperfections, rather than the beauty of the imperfections.

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Super Girl/Guy

You are super girl/guy and no one can tell you otherwise.

I sent this to a friend the other night. I hope she feels inspired.

Happiness

Complete

“The truth is I am a perfect part of the exact point at which all individual human beings meet and the spectrum of voices weaving themselves in between and screaming “Every sick thought you’ve ever had and every twisted feeling you’ve ever felt are what makes this painting complete.'”

-Buddy Wakefield

I admire this a lot. No matter what you think or feel your painting will be beautiful.

Perfection

“One doesn’t walk through the forest and accuse the trees of  being off-centred. Nor do they visit the shore and call the waves imperfect. So why do we look at ourselves that way?”

I admire this quote because it reminds to not perfect and to let it get in the way of things.

Today I will not let perfection get in the way.

Perfec-

I forgot that yesterday was Wednesday and that is why that I didn’t post anything regarding Buddy Wakefield. My apologies.

“And I know I’m not perfect. But I believe I was meant to be.”

-Buddy Wakefield

I love this because it reminds that perfection isn’t everything. I didn’t apply this knowledge to yesterday when I was making my boyfriend’s card. I kept having to redo it whenever a small error occurred, I need to allow myself to know that being imperfect is okay. It makes us human. Don’t let perfection ruin a good thing. Flaws add character.

Beauty

I’m meeting my boyfriend’s family and I’m still red as a lobster. I’m now really conscience about this.

I’ve been reapplying apple cider vinegar followed by coconut oil a lot. Well, that’s an understatement.

This has made me realize that I can be an insecure person. It is something I am trying to fix. I feel that I always need to make sure that I look pretty.

Today I will be me. I do not please others by having a “perfect” appearance. I can do so with a great personality. Do not bring yourself down when something bad happens. You are always be beautiful. 🙂

Trial And Error

I have learned many things through trial and error. I learned a lot this morning. I’ve been meaning to make pancakes for awhile now so I planned it today. I have never made pancakes before in all of my life. I usually have other people make it for me… This is how the tradition of pancakes on my birthday originated from because people would do anything for the birthday girl. 🙂

Anyway, good thing my sister bought “Just add water” mix for my birthday. I am capable of reading the book but to ensure they get their perfect shape is another story…

I tried to make my pancakes as perfect as I could but my first one it was the furthest thing from perfection. But my second pancake was a success!

This reminds that I learn things from trial and error. I need to tell myself that even if I fail once, to never give up because success is around the corner. It also tells me that I shouldn’t allow perfect to be the enemy of the good. And it helps me accept things as they are and not as I wish to see things. That was something I used to do all the time.

Well now I am accepting and admitting that even though I strive for perfection and try to to be perfect. I never will be.

Who knew that making pancakes would be this philosophical? 🙂

The End of My Second Regeneration

Today is my 21st birthday! I’ve read that it takes your body seven years to reproduce every cell in the body so it’s almost like every seven years you become a new person.

Throughout the past seven years I have learned many things about life and about myself. I had to be strong because I had faced several defeats in life. I lost a lot. I had to learn to pick up the pieces for a lot of different situations.

Throughout the past seven years I had to face many challenges; transitioning to high school – which at first I thought was really scary, my parent’s separation, moving out of my childhood house into a smaller house with my ma.

I felt abandoned by many, I didn’t like to be close with people because I was always thinking of when this person would leave me like the other people have. But they left because I came across as someone who was too needy. I was only viewed like this because I overly cared about them and didn’t want to deal with the emotions of having someone else leave.

It hurts me looking back and viewing how much people used to care about me and then now I mean absolutely nothing to them. It meant something that our paths intertwined with one another. And just because our paths no longer intersect with one another it doesn’t mean it won’t again in the future.

I had a lot of trust issues where I didn’t believe people but then I would become overly trusting and believing in lies that I knew weren’t true. In fear of being alone. I became friends with people who would hurt me. I feared of cross-talk. I know that one of the most harmful weapons in the world is the tongue. I always see the good beyond the doubt in others. Whenever someone abandoned me I would vow to never get too close to people. Instead I ensured myself that this time I would not allow myself to have my feelings used, or my trust to get taken advantage of.

I felt alone throughout that. I felt that I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t a good enough sister, daughter, friend, cousin, every title I am. I was allowing myself to be defined by every mistake I made.

I started learning healthy boundaries with other people especially since I lacked healthy boundaries. It took me a long time to realize the friendships I was engaging myself in were unhealthy.

There were times where I didn’t like myself because I thought not a lot of people did. I was my worst critic. I always brought myself down with thinking all of these negative thoughts about myself.

I had to say good bye to many things and people I love. I had to say good bye to my childhood house that I lived in there for 16 years. That was heartbreaking. I never wanted to say goodbye to people or to things, I just kept holding onto things that were slowly harming me.

I used to play victim to receive sympathy for others. I always sought attention from others. I tried to control other people to get the outcomes I want. I sought perfection and tried to find it and always strive to ensure perfection wherever I went.

Now, I’m learning to accept things as they and not as how I want them to be. I am learning self-love and learning how to love myself again. Because if I don’t love myself for who I am, who will?

I’ve been learning to learn go and learn that everything is only temporary so enjoy it whilst it lasts. Nothing good can last forever and no pain can last forever. Enjoy the journey.

I’m identifying what a healthy relationship/friendship looks like. I am learning to trust myself. I take care of myself to ensure a healthy lifestyle. Despite that my best friend ended our 7.5 year friendship I have many other friends who genuinely care about me.

I try my best to stay in the present. I only look back unless looking back will improve my well-being in the present. I only look in the future if I am making plans.

I try my best to succeed in everything I do. If I fail, it’s okay. What’s important is how far I bounce back after falling. My butterfly wings might be fragile at times but when I let go off something my wings will always take me to where I need to go.

My second regeneration dealt with a lot of loss and sadness. It is with my sadness that I have transformed myself into finding my inner strength. I am accepting that everything happens for a reason even though I may not be wise enough to see it.

I am enjoying our new house. I had to let go of my past and let go of my processions that I carried with me throughout the years.I feel more organized about myself.

It took me a while to accept this journey but it helped me find myself. I know that everyday I am getting closer to happiness. I just got to keep going and never give up.

I am grateful for everyone that has crossed my path even if they aren’t apart of this journey. I try my best to keep your shrine alive in my heart no matter how much I allowed you to hurt me.

“Fall down seven times, stand up eight.”

21 Wishes

In honour of my 11th post and that June 3rd – MY BIRTHDAY! is approaching at a rapid rate I dedicate this post to my goals that I have set for myself in my upcoming year.

I’ll be entering my third regeneration. I read in a book that it takes the human body seven years for it to renew all of our cells in our body. Every seven years it’s almost like you’re a new you.

I’m accepting gifts, by the way! 🙂

1. Blog more frequently. I have been extremely busy in the past few weeks so my blog may not be as up-to-date as I would like it to be.

2. Exercise more. I enjoy exercising. It helps me stay centred and focused.

3. To travel to a new place. This will be a joyous adventure. It will allow me to expand my adventurous side.

4. To cook a new recipe everyday. This is a good one. I love cooking. I have so many recipes in my recipe box. I will also reorganize and keep you posted with what I try. Maybe I’ll make a separate blog… I will keep you informed.

5. To brush up on my French. Learning a language helps your brain stay in shape and also improves your memory. I’ve been inspired by my coworkers who can speak another language other than English.

6. To not let perfection be the enemy of the good. From as long as I could remember I thought that in order to be “good enough” EVERYTHING had to be perfect. But I’ve been learning and feeling that being “perfect” is exhausting. “Flawed is more perfect than perfection.”

7. To overcome a fear. I have too many fears that I need to overcome to help me grow. They range from heights to trains/train tracks and many more.

8. Drink more water and less sugar. I was inspired when I went to a friend’s place and all we drank was tea and water. I feel healthy about myself. I love adding cucumbers and lemons to my water. It’s quite scrumptious!

9. Meditate. I need to work on this because it will help me stay present. I feel more relaxed when I find ten minutes or so a day clearing my thoughts. When I focus on the present I can truly let go of the past and stop obsessing about the future.

10. To learn something new everyday. I would love to learn something new everyday. I would be able to gain 366 titbits of wisdom that I can use to help others.

11. Save more money. I need to start saving money for my future. I know I said earlier that I wouldn’t worry about my future, but it is never too early to start saving. You never know what the future holds so it is best to be safe and prepared.

12. To declutter. I am beginning to fall in love with having less stuff. It’s more relaxing. It adds more value to things that I own. I know that I should only buy things that I need and these items would give me joy. And whenever I don’t use something I pass that on to another person who sees that value.

13. To continue being an inspiration to others. I will continue to inspire others to be the best they can. I recently inspired one of my friends to run in the morning. I’ve inspired others to be more positive but spreading my optimism with them. I told friends that my passwords are quotes. I feel proud of myself to inspire others.

14. To attend community events. This will help me socialize with others more and to get support that is available.

15. To spend more time on myself. I used to view this act as selfish. But I learned to look at life through an airplane analogy. If there’s an emergency and when the oxygen masks come down you are told to place the mask on you first not your child, not your spouse not anyone else but yourself first. So in order to help others you must learn to help yourself first.

16. Spend more time with family. Last year I dedicated a lot of my time and energy with this one friend who meant the world to me. But a lot of things happened. I realized that our friendship was quite a pernicious friendship. So now I’m striving towards to find a healthy balance between my friends and family.

17. Worry less. Everyone knows that I can worry a lot. Like A LOT. My worries can be about the smallest worries like breaking a key or deciding what to wear or what to bring with me when I pack to go out. Since I worry about what I should bring with me I overpack thinking I need this or I’ll totally use this item. But in reality I wouldn’t need any of those things. I just think I do. I need to reprogram my thoughts and direct my thinking towards something positive and inspiring.

18. Continue being more organized. I often find that I can be rushing out the door regardless of how much time I give myself to get ready. I need to focus more on better organizational skills. I’m also going to reorganize and decorate my room. “A successful morning is prepared in the evening.”

19. Write a book. I’ve heard of this challenge about writing a novel in a month. Which means you would have to write over 1,000 words every day for a month. I’m not that creative nor do I have time so I’m going to aim for a book before my 22nd birthday. I would have to write about 137 words a day everyday for the next 366 days and I would have about a 50,000 word novel.

20. Create new art projects. I enjoy being creative. I use my creativity to make people cards, presents, quote pages and I draw pictures to show people how much I care about them. Now I have to think of better crafts to showcase my artistic abilities.

21. Let go. Letting go of everything and everyone that no longer serves me. If I don’t feel joy I need to detach myself from the person, situation, event object, etc., I must accept that I cannot control everything and everyone. Even though I like things to be done in a certain way I must learn to let go. I seek perfection on all of my affairs. But it is important and necessary for me to let go and allow everything to happen.

I will try my best to complete all of these dreams that I have for myself. I will blog about my progress and my struggles from time to time.

Until next time…

❤